she woke up with a sticky ear
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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