I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
