he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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