I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
