you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
