Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
