yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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