do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
