I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
