the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
