if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
