Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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