While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
