Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
