would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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