Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
