there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
