You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
