mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
