I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
