the condom got lost in my hair
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
