I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
