So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
