how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
