I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
