it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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