Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
