if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So many bounce houses so little time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize