Don't you send me to vm
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize