the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
