She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
