i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
