don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
