Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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