Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
