The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
