So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
