Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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