at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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