The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
