Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
