I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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