Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
