This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
