Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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