WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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