my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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