whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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