guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also, beer. Big fan.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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