My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
