Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
