before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
