I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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