I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
