you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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