sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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