Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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