it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
