we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
