there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
