Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
