i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
