I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
