Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize