I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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