I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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