i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
