its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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