FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
