Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
