I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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