feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
