This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
