I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
