Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
