I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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