We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
