i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
