I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
