Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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