Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
