I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
