ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
