True but thats because hes a fetus.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
