Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
