im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
