we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
